Choosing Your Family

Posted on June 25, 2010 | 1 comment

Last week, I wrote about the idea of choosing your friends.

Today, I’m going to tackle that minefield know has “families” and yes, I’m actually going to suggest that you have a choice there too.

Sure, you don’t really have any choice in who your family members are.  But you always, always, ALWAYS have a choice about how you let them impact you.

One of the biggest issues with family dynamics is the concept of “roles”.  The role of “parent” can be very difficult for some people to give up when their children become adults.  Yes, they will always BE the parent, but they no longer need to assume that role.  The parenting is done once the child is an adult and is responsible for their own actions.  Likewise, some grown adults find the role of “child” a difficult one to give up when they find themselves around their parents.

I was recently at a family function where one of my 70-something-year-old aunts took it upon herself to offer completely unsolicited advice on my life.  I was initially quite shocked and upset with the situation, but then I realized that I’m 40 years old and I have a choice.  Yes, she is – and always will be – my aunt, and I love her.  However that doesn’t mean that I don’t have a choice about how I allow her to impact me. (A special thanks to my brother for showing me the way through this particular minefield.)

It can be quite jarring for everyone involved when you make a conscious choice to leave behind the traditional “roles” and start Choosing The Life You Want.  But people will adjust to the new reality and you will feel better once you are living your life from a place of choice.

(Just don’t tell your mom it was my idea!)