Today, I want to suggest that you get outside your comfort zone. Way outside of it! Do something that scares you. Something absolutely crazy – like… going to dinner!

(guest blog post by Hilary Wilson)

Patrick and I were in Montréal this past weekend, and while Patrick worked on Saturday, I spent a couple of hours knitting and chatting at a great little yarn store called Espace Tricot.  One of the owners, a lovely woman named Lisa, was just getting over a cold.  It must have been a bad one, because virtually every ‘regular’ who came in (and there were lots) asked her how she was doing, and what she was doing back at work.  It was obvious that during the few days she’d had to stay home she was sorely missed by her loyal customers.

Lisa said she was feeling much improved, though she was still a bit stuffed up and had a little cough.  Then she talked about how her two days off were actually like a little mini-retreat, despite being ill.  She said she stayed in her bed for a full 24 hours, while her partner took over and did everything.  She was able to sleep, play on her iPad, eat now and then, read, and most importantly knit, knit, knit, which is plainly her favourite indulgence.  She was ensconced in her ‘favourite things.”  I had to admit that over-hearing this, it did sound lovely (if you ignore the having-a-cold part).

When life is stressful, or when we’re run down, it can be the little things others do for us that leave a lasting impression of how much they care for us: the friend that calls to see how we’re doing, the partner who brings hot water with lemon and honey, the relative who stops by with homemade soup.  When we’re ill, our bodies force us to treat ourselves more gently, and to slow down.  We allow ourselves to indulge in life’s more soothing pursuits: napping often, staying in our pyjamas, eating comfort foods.  Maybe we even get to finally finish a couple of good books that have been waiting on the bedside table for months.

If this idea of taking care of oneself is so appealing, why do we wait until we’re sick to do it?  What if we occasionally scheduled time to be extra-good to ourselves?  You deserve to be spoiled, to be treated with extra-special care, and to have a day (or maybe two) of doing what feels the most comfortable to you.

I know, I know, you’re too busy/important/have too many commitments to just take a time-out from life.  Fine, take as little or as much time as you can manage, but do it ASAP, and AOAP (as often as possible).  Even little injections of self-care in the middle of an otherwise busy day can make an enormous difference in your overall stress level, and will leave you happier and healthier.

If you feel grateful when someone else is taking care of you, imagine how good it might feel to know YOU valued yourself enough to treat yourself that well, for no good reason except that you’re worth it.  And you never know, maybe you’ll end up with fewer ‘sick’ days in the long run.

P.S.  If you’re having any trouble imagining how you’d fill such a ‘comfort’ day, start by dreaming it.  Make a list of all your favourite feel-good things, and then go through that list to see which ones you could incorporate into your day today.

I’d love to see what your ideal comfort day looks like; please reply with your ideas!  Even better, come back and tell me how you’ve been able to fit your comforts into your day, and what kind of difference it made for you!

“You only get once chance.”

How do you react when you hear that phrase?

Somedays, that phrase can induce a complete sense of paralysis in me.

“WHAT? Only one chance? Jeez, I had better get it right.  Before I make a move, I’m going to think of every possible option and then try to think each of them through to their logical conclusion so that I can choose THE RIGHT THING TO DO.”

And then there are other days.

Other days, that phrase can induce a complete sense of liberation in me.

“WHAT? Only one chance? Jeez, I had better jump on this right away and give it 100%! Forget about thinking it through, I’m going to go with my heart on this, because that’s THE RIGHT THING TO DO.”

Which sort of day are you having today?

Or do you always react the same way when you are told you only have one chance?  Really? Which way?

(Oh!  Did I mention that you only get ONE CHANCE to live today? hehehe!)

When was the last time you spent an afternoon:
- with sand or grass between your toes?
- swinging on a swing?
- watching the clouds cruise past?
And simply being grateful for what is while dreaming about what is to come?

Do yourself a favor and schedule an afternoon like that real soon!

Too often “downtime” is a synonym for “comatose in front of the tv”. Or “thinking about absolutely nothing”. Or “self-sedated with drugs or alcohol”. And while we all need time like that once in a while, it’s not exactly productive downtime.

So, where’s your nearest park?

The other day I was talking with Allan, my friend and business manager. In the acknowledgements section of my first book, I referred to Allan as my “magical librarian” because he always seems to have the right book for me at the right time.  Well, the other day he did it again! He told me that he was reading a book about the power of stories.  But the twist was that the book emphasized the importance of the stories we tell ourselves.  I got a tingle up my spine as he said that.  You see, earlier that same day, my partner Hilary showed me a photocopy called “Common Fictions That Discourage” that she found in her office while doing some filing.  It doesn’t list and author and I’ve been unable to discover who wrote it. (Click to enlarge the image)

click to enlarge

Then yesterday, during my morning walk, a lightbulb went off in my head.  “Of course the stories we tell ourselves are of paramount importance. That’s precisely why it’s important to avoid buying-into and perpetuating the Fictions That Discourage,” I thought.  (That wasn’t the “lightbulb” part).  What struck me was that we can (in fact, we MUST) choose to write supportive and encouraging self-narratives that help bolster our spirits and move us where we want to go.  The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.  So why not “read” yourself some stories where you end up in the “happily ever after” role?

Then, I began to think about my second book.  It will be called “Choose The Life You Want” and it has been stalled in my head for quite some time now.  And today I finally know why.  It’s stalled, because I am listening to the wrong self-narratives about it.  Specifically, Fictions number 5 (“If I expose a weakness or imperfection, then you would think less of me; I would be worth less.“) and number 8 (“Excuses sometimes justify me in not reaching my goals“).  You see, over the last number of years, I’ve been dealing with some big life events including a separation and bankruptcy. The narrative that played through my brain went something like: “How are you going to write a book about choosing the life you want, when your own life has so recently unravelled?  Who is going to listen to a word you have to say about choosing the life you want? Once people find out about this, who will hire you to coach them or hold workshops for their companies?”

But… no more!  I am re-writing those self-narratives.  The experiences I’ve gone through (and am going through) are what make me the person I am. They don’t diminish me, they simply confirm that I’m human and that life can be a messy business.

It’s actually sort of funny now that I think about it – I have no problem delivering a keynote address about mortality to 1,000+ people, but the idea of telling one person that I went through a bankruptcy… now that terrifies me. Wait!…  Change that.  It used to terrify me.  Now, it’s just part of my story.  A powerful part, because I’ve claimed it as my own and it’s no longer something I have to hide or run from.

And I know I’ll live happily ever after.  The End!

If you missed my interview on VividLife Radio, you can always catch the replay here anytime.

I had a lot of fun being interviewed by Harry & Phil!