I saw this video yesterday and it really touched me!

Imagine having a passion for you partner that lasts for well over 60 years!  And imagine enjoying each other so much that your passion is contagious! You need to watch this…

The description says: “Fran & Marlo Cowan (married 62 years) playing impromptu recital together in the atrium of the Mayo Clinic.”

You can read about how the video happened on the Mayo Clinic’s website.

If you ever wonder why it is so important to Choose The Life You Want, just remember Fran and Marlo.  Here’s to having a lifelong passion!

I recently posted a video where I challenged you to get outside your comfort zone. And now I have a confession to make. For me, doing videos is WAY outside my comfort zone.

- I entered my first public speaking contest when I was 12 or 13 years old. I was hooked!
- In high school and university I was a competitive debater.
- I’ve been the Master of Ceremonies at weddings and countless meeting, galas and events.
- I worked in sales for over a decade.
- I started speaking professionally in 2003.
- I produced a podcast for three years.
- I train and certify people as Life Coaches and Executive Coaches.

All of which to say that I am not a shy person. Whether I’m coaching someone one-on-one, leading a workshop or delivering a keynote presentation to 1,100 people – I’m in my element when I’m communicating.

Except for video.

And it’s been driving me crazy! I was really getting down on myself for my hesitancy to do videos. After all, this is the YouTube age – EVERYONE does videos. Videos are shared much more than blog posts.

So what was my problem? Why did I have a mental block about doing videos?

Well, today I discovered the answer. It’s because of a gap between what I want to do and what I can do. I learned this from watching this video (yes, I’m aware of the irony) from Ira Glass. In the first 60 seconds, he completely sums up why I am afraid to do videos. But he doesn’t stop there. He has a lesson that I believe applies to all of us. (More about that below the video.)

Did any of what Ira said hit the mark for you? We have high standards. We have good taste.  What we want to do and what we can do are separated by a gap. When we start out at something, we are not as good as we want to be. We don’t meet our own standards.

On one side of the gap is:
- the amount of money we want
- the car we’d like to drive
- the house we dream of
- the career that would fulfill us
- the ideal body weight or fitness level we desire
- the type of relationship we deserve

And on the other side of the gap is:
- the amount of money we actually have (or, more likely, the amount of debt we have)
- the car we are driving (or the bus we’re waiting for)
- the house or apartment we can afford
- the job we were “lucky to find” and we hope we can hang onto
- the fridge full of comfort food and a flat screen TV
- the relationship we’re settling for (or another lonely night)

Sometimes that gap seems so daunting that we don’t have the energy to think about making the leap. Yeah, sure there are night classes or correspondence classes we could take to bring up our skills and move us one step closer to that fulfilling career…. but we’re tired at the end of the work day. Besides, that new TV show is on in 30 minutes.

Sometimes what we want seems so out of reach that we get down on ourselves for even wanting it in the first place. Who are we to expect that level of happiness? We should just work harder at being happy with what we’ve got – after all, there are millions who have it worse!

And sometimes we may even go so far as to become judgemental about those who have the things that we want. Instead of looking at them as inspirational examples that the gap can be closed, we make ourselves feel better by talking about how shallow, materialistic, egotistical, self-centered and greedy “they” are.

For me, my reluctance to do videos was fuelled by a number of insecurities.
I was worried that I didn’t have the right video and audio equipment. I didn’t want my videos to look or sound cheap. I would tell myself: “I’m a professional. I need to project a professional image.” In time, I invested in better equipment. So with that obstacle removed, I jumped right into my first video, right? Wrong. I found another excuse.

I was worried about my own looks. “My skin is too blotchy right now. I’ll do it another day.” “I’m much too heavy now, I’ll do the videos when I’ve lost some weight.” And so on and so on. I used to joke with people that I did a podcast because I have a face that’s made for radio. Well, I guess that joke stuck and was haunting me. Some people hate the way their voice sounds when they hear it played back to them. For me it’s seeing myself on-screen.

Finally, at the end of August 2011, I decided to make a video message to send out as part of my Fearless, Focused Friday program. It literally took me a couple of hours to finally get my first video that was 2 minutes and 20 seconds long.

So what on earth will ever help us to close the gap between what we want to do and what we can do? In the video, Ira reassures us that we are not alone – the gap is perfectly normal. It applies to anyone doing any sort of creative work and most people go through it. Some people take longer than others, but it’s not unusual or unsurmountable. By way of a solution, he talks about the importance of constantly working at it. It’s only a matter of time and effort.

I agree with him – but I think there’s one more variable in the equation.

It’s our passion.

Our drive to live the best lives we possibly can.

That’s what will keep us going – keep us putting in the effort for as long as it takes. If we’re able to stay in touch with that passion, then we leave ourselves no choice but to keep at it. Don’t wait until everything is perfect.  WAITING DOES NOT MAKE THINGS PERFECT – it only robs you of the joy of self-development.  Richard Branson wrote a great little book called “Screw It! Let’s Do It!“. Embrace that philosophy!

And why not? We only get once chance at this. So why spend that one chance being on the wrong side of the gap and doing nothing about it? We are passionate about things because they’re important to us. Don’t let the world diminish that importance. Don’t let time dull the shine on the bright future you hold in your mind. You owe it to yourself to do everything you can to reach for those dreams.

I wrote the Mortality Manifesto as a tool to help fuel the fire that will keep us moving in the direction of our dreams. It’s designed to help us cut through the excuses and the insecurities that can hold us on the wrong side of the gap. The ideals behind the Mortality Manifesto are what I tapped into in order to help me get my first video done. And they are what fuelled me to do the second and third ones. And now I’m starting to relax and have some fun with them. (Subscribe to my YouTube channel and watch me get better and better!)

Get in touch with your passion. Use the Mortality Manifesto to remind yourself that you only get one life, and it’s happening right now. When you are moving in the direction of your dreams, you’re closing the gap!

My passion will keep me making videos no matter how blotchy I think my skin is today. My passion for sharing my message outweighs my insecurity about whether or not I’m “in shape” for the camera. After all – my videos (just like my blog, my newsletter, my podcasts, my workshops. my books and my keynotes) are not about me. They’re about YOU!

I’ll race you to the other side of the gap!

Today, I want to suggest that you get outside your comfort zone. Way outside of it! Do something that scares you. Something absolutely crazy – like… going to dinner!

(guest blog post by Hilary Wilson)

Patrick and I were in Montréal this past weekend, and while Patrick worked on Saturday, I spent a couple of hours knitting and chatting at a great little yarn store called Espace Tricot.  One of the owners, a lovely woman named Lisa, was just getting over a cold.  It must have been a bad one, because virtually every ‘regular’ who came in (and there were lots) asked her how she was doing, and what she was doing back at work.  It was obvious that during the few days she’d had to stay home she was sorely missed by her loyal customers.

Lisa said she was feeling much improved, though she was still a bit stuffed up and had a little cough.  Then she talked about how her two days off were actually like a little mini-retreat, despite being ill.  She said she stayed in her bed for a full 24 hours, while her partner took over and did everything.  She was able to sleep, play on her iPad, eat now and then, read, and most importantly knit, knit, knit, which is plainly her favourite indulgence.  She was ensconced in her ‘favourite things.”  I had to admit that over-hearing this, it did sound lovely (if you ignore the having-a-cold part).

When life is stressful, or when we’re run down, it can be the little things others do for us that leave a lasting impression of how much they care for us: the friend that calls to see how we’re doing, the partner who brings hot water with lemon and honey, the relative who stops by with homemade soup.  When we’re ill, our bodies force us to treat ourselves more gently, and to slow down.  We allow ourselves to indulge in life’s more soothing pursuits: napping often, staying in our pyjamas, eating comfort foods.  Maybe we even get to finally finish a couple of good books that have been waiting on the bedside table for months.

If this idea of taking care of oneself is so appealing, why do we wait until we’re sick to do it?  What if we occasionally scheduled time to be extra-good to ourselves?  You deserve to be spoiled, to be treated with extra-special care, and to have a day (or maybe two) of doing what feels the most comfortable to you.

I know, I know, you’re too busy/important/have too many commitments to just take a time-out from life.  Fine, take as little or as much time as you can manage, but do it ASAP, and AOAP (as often as possible).  Even little injections of self-care in the middle of an otherwise busy day can make an enormous difference in your overall stress level, and will leave you happier and healthier.

If you feel grateful when someone else is taking care of you, imagine how good it might feel to know YOU valued yourself enough to treat yourself that well, for no good reason except that you’re worth it.  And you never know, maybe you’ll end up with fewer ‘sick’ days in the long run.

P.S.  If you’re having any trouble imagining how you’d fill such a ‘comfort’ day, start by dreaming it.  Make a list of all your favourite feel-good things, and then go through that list to see which ones you could incorporate into your day today.

I’d love to see what your ideal comfort day looks like; please reply with your ideas!  Even better, come back and tell me how you’ve been able to fit your comforts into your day, and what kind of difference it made for you!

“You only get once chance.”

How do you react when you hear that phrase?

Somedays, that phrase can induce a complete sense of paralysis in me.

“WHAT? Only one chance? Jeez, I had better get it right.  Before I make a move, I’m going to think of every possible option and then try to think each of them through to their logical conclusion so that I can choose THE RIGHT THING TO DO.”

And then there are other days.

Other days, that phrase can induce a complete sense of liberation in me.

“WHAT? Only one chance? Jeez, I had better jump on this right away and give it 100%! Forget about thinking it through, I’m going to go with my heart on this, because that’s THE RIGHT THING TO DO.”

Which sort of day are you having today?

Or do you always react the same way when you are told you only have one chance?  Really? Which way?

(Oh!  Did I mention that you only get ONE CHANCE to live today? hehehe!)

When was the last time you spent an afternoon:
- with sand or grass between your toes?
- swinging on a swing?
- watching the clouds cruise past?
And simply being grateful for what is while dreaming about what is to come?

Do yourself a favor and schedule an afternoon like that real soon!

Too often “downtime” is a synonym for “comatose in front of the tv”. Or “thinking about absolutely nothing”. Or “self-sedated with drugs or alcohol”. And while we all need time like that once in a while, it’s not exactly productive downtime.

So, where’s your nearest park?