I get it.

Your life is busy.

People count on you. You have a very busy job. Your family and friends depend on you. You carry a smartphone because people depend on you 24×7.  If you don’t do it – who will?

Well….

Who is in charge of looking after you? Who’s looking out for your interests?

If you’ve ever paid attention to the airline safety demonstrations, you’ve heard the aircrew tell you that you need to put on your own oxygen mask BEFORE you attempt to help others.  The simple fact of the matter is – if you’re constantly running on empty, what do you have left to give to others?

As I mention in the short video below, looking after yourself and making time for yourself can take many forms.  It can be something large – like taking a cruise or getting away on a vacation.  Or it could be something smaller – like an extended weekend getaway or a day at a local spa.

Or it might even be self-care on the micro level.  Taking time each day to meditate or pray. Reserving some exercise time on your schedule. Or just reading a good book.

The bottom line is – you need to look after yourself.  You’re worth it!

The kids and I were out for dinner recently. As we were discussing what each of us was going to have, my daughter pointed to one of the salads and asked:

“Dad, does this come with croutons?”

I said: “I’m not sure about that salad, but the Caesar salad usually comes with croutons.”

She responded: “Ok, I’ll have that. But I don’t want the salad. Just the croutons.” (She’s 6 and she LOVES croutons.)

I smiled and responded that it doesn’t really work that way. You can’t get just croutons. After more consideration, she decided to go with a different choice for her meal.

When the waitress came to take our orders, I ordered, then my son and then my daughter. As the waitress was just about to leave, my daughter added: “And I want some croutons.”

Just because it’s not on the menu – doesn’t mean you can’t have it if you have the courage to speak up and ask.

As she sat there contentedly crunching away on her free croutons, I’m glad she didn’t look at me and say: “You see Dad? It does work that way.”

She didn’t need to say it… because I was saying it to myself. Thanks for the lesson, my sweet one!

(Hmm… maybe I should have her teach my next Choose The Life You Want Workshop?)

When talking about life, it’s fun to use highway metaphors.

The message from the video below is that on the Road of life, you’re not stuck in traffic – you ARE traffic. I made the video to remind us that life isn’t something external that happens to us – we’re an intricate part of it.

If you don’t like the way things are going for you – you owe it to yourself to make some conscious choices to change things. You’re in the driver’s seat of your life.  It’s not like we’re all just passengers on a bus.  Some people act as though “life” is like a big, crowded bus and we are all at the mercy of the driver. Sometimes they feel as though they must have gotten on the “wrong” bus, since this one just doesn’t seem to be going where they want to go.

But guess what….

There is no “Big Bus of Life”. You can’t just sit back and wait for someone else to get you to your destination. You’re doing the driving.  Whether your life is like a fast sports car, a large truck or an old jalopy, we’re each at the wheel of our own lives.  We get to choose where to go and when to go there.  We can choose the route we want to take to get there – the scenic route, the most fuel efficient route or the fastest route.

So… where do you want to go today?

By the way… if you need some help getting there – having a great coach is like a GPS for your life.  Tell me what your destination is and I can help you get there – and have a ton of fun along the way!

I saw this video yesterday and it really touched me!

Imagine having a passion for you partner that lasts for well over 60 years!  And imagine enjoying each other so much that your passion is contagious! You need to watch this…

The description says: “Fran & Marlo Cowan (married 62 years) playing impromptu recital together in the atrium of the Mayo Clinic.”

You can read about how the video happened on the Mayo Clinic’s website.

If you ever wonder why it is so important to Choose The Life You Want, just remember Fran and Marlo.  Here’s to having a lifelong passion!

I recently posted a video where I challenged you to get outside your comfort zone. And now I have a confession to make. For me, doing videos is WAY outside my comfort zone.

- I entered my first public speaking contest when I was 12 or 13 years old. I was hooked!
- In high school and university I was a competitive debater.
- I’ve been the Master of Ceremonies at weddings and countless meeting, galas and events.
- I worked in sales for over a decade.
- I started speaking professionally in 2003.
- I produced a podcast for three years.
- I train and certify people as Life Coaches and Executive Coaches.

All of which to say that I am not a shy person. Whether I’m coaching someone one-on-one, leading a workshop or delivering a keynote presentation to 1,100 people – I’m in my element when I’m communicating.

Except for video.

And it’s been driving me crazy! I was really getting down on myself for my hesitancy to do videos. After all, this is the YouTube age – EVERYONE does videos. Videos are shared much more than blog posts.

So what was my problem? Why did I have a mental block about doing videos?

Well, today I discovered the answer. It’s because of a gap between what I want to do and what I can do. I learned this from watching this video (yes, I’m aware of the irony) from Ira Glass. In the first 60 seconds, he completely sums up why I am afraid to do videos. But he doesn’t stop there. He has a lesson that I believe applies to all of us. (More about that below the video.)

Did any of what Ira said hit the mark for you? We have high standards. We have good taste.  What we want to do and what we can do are separated by a gap. When we start out at something, we are not as good as we want to be. We don’t meet our own standards.

On one side of the gap is:
- the amount of money we want
- the car we’d like to drive
- the house we dream of
- the career that would fulfill us
- the ideal body weight or fitness level we desire
- the type of relationship we deserve

And on the other side of the gap is:
- the amount of money we actually have (or, more likely, the amount of debt we have)
- the car we are driving (or the bus we’re waiting for)
- the house or apartment we can afford
- the job we were “lucky to find” and we hope we can hang onto
- the fridge full of comfort food and a flat screen TV
- the relationship we’re settling for (or another lonely night)

Sometimes that gap seems so daunting that we don’t have the energy to think about making the leap. Yeah, sure there are night classes or correspondence classes we could take to bring up our skills and move us one step closer to that fulfilling career…. but we’re tired at the end of the work day. Besides, that new TV show is on in 30 minutes.

Sometimes what we want seems so out of reach that we get down on ourselves for even wanting it in the first place. Who are we to expect that level of happiness? We should just work harder at being happy with what we’ve got – after all, there are millions who have it worse!

And sometimes we may even go so far as to become judgemental about those who have the things that we want. Instead of looking at them as inspirational examples that the gap can be closed, we make ourselves feel better by talking about how shallow, materialistic, egotistical, self-centered and greedy “they” are.

For me, my reluctance to do videos was fuelled by a number of insecurities.
I was worried that I didn’t have the right video and audio equipment. I didn’t want my videos to look or sound cheap. I would tell myself: “I’m a professional. I need to project a professional image.” In time, I invested in better equipment. So with that obstacle removed, I jumped right into my first video, right? Wrong. I found another excuse.

I was worried about my own looks. “My skin is too blotchy right now. I’ll do it another day.” “I’m much too heavy now, I’ll do the videos when I’ve lost some weight.” And so on and so on. I used to joke with people that I did a podcast because I have a face that’s made for radio. Well, I guess that joke stuck and was haunting me. Some people hate the way their voice sounds when they hear it played back to them. For me it’s seeing myself on-screen.

Finally, at the end of August 2011, I decided to make a video message to send out as part of my Fearless, Focused Friday program. It literally took me a couple of hours to finally get my first video that was 2 minutes and 20 seconds long.

So what on earth will ever help us to close the gap between what we want to do and what we can do? In the video, Ira reassures us that we are not alone – the gap is perfectly normal. It applies to anyone doing any sort of creative work and most people go through it. Some people take longer than others, but it’s not unusual or unsurmountable. By way of a solution, he talks about the importance of constantly working at it. It’s only a matter of time and effort.

I agree with him – but I think there’s one more variable in the equation.

It’s our passion.

Our drive to live the best lives we possibly can.

That’s what will keep us going – keep us putting in the effort for as long as it takes. If we’re able to stay in touch with that passion, then we leave ourselves no choice but to keep at it. Don’t wait until everything is perfect.  WAITING DOES NOT MAKE THINGS PERFECT – it only robs you of the joy of self-development.  Richard Branson wrote a great little book called “Screw It! Let’s Do It!“. Embrace that philosophy!

And why not? We only get once chance at this. So why spend that one chance being on the wrong side of the gap and doing nothing about it? We are passionate about things because they’re important to us. Don’t let the world diminish that importance. Don’t let time dull the shine on the bright future you hold in your mind. You owe it to yourself to do everything you can to reach for those dreams.

I wrote the Mortality Manifesto as a tool to help fuel the fire that will keep us moving in the direction of our dreams. It’s designed to help us cut through the excuses and the insecurities that can hold us on the wrong side of the gap. The ideals behind the Mortality Manifesto are what I tapped into in order to help me get my first video done. And they are what fuelled me to do the second and third ones. And now I’m starting to relax and have some fun with them. (Subscribe to my YouTube channel and watch me get better and better!)

Get in touch with your passion. Use the Mortality Manifesto to remind yourself that you only get one life, and it’s happening right now. When you are moving in the direction of your dreams, you’re closing the gap!

My passion will keep me making videos no matter how blotchy I think my skin is today. My passion for sharing my message outweighs my insecurity about whether or not I’m “in shape” for the camera. After all – my videos (just like my blog, my newsletter, my podcasts, my workshops. my books and my keynotes) are not about me. They’re about YOU!

I’ll race you to the other side of the gap!

Today, I want to suggest that you get outside your comfort zone. Way outside of it! Do something that scares you. Something absolutely crazy – like… going to dinner!