photo by MOEVIEW
Yes, I am all about encouraging you to Choose The Life You Want, but what do you do when life won’t cooperate?
Personally, I’m facing this right now.
I’ll share more when I have some better clarity. But in the meantime…
Do you have any suggestions? Comment and let me know what you do when you hit a roadblock.
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Do you ever find yourself playing a role, or ‘faking it’, to try to fit into a certain social situation or group? Here’s the thing: If you would like to eventually get to a point where you no longer need to ‘play that role’, then I don’t think there is any harm in following the ‘fake it ’til you make it’ plan. It’s like a form of practice. You’re emulating the traits (self confidence, for instance) or behaviour (extrovertedness, for instance) that you’d like to cultivate in yourself with a view towards having those traits become part of your character.
However, if trying to fit in (at work, at school or in a social situation) involves ‘faking’ traits that you have no plans to ever incorporate into yourself, then I think you run the risk of losing track of your true self in the process. If you dislike or disagree with something there is absolutely no point in ‘going with the flow’ in order to ‘not make waves’. This can only lead to being swept out to sea on the tides of someone else’s ideas, goals and dreams. Have the courage and conviction to stand up and stand out.
I want to be clear… I’m not suggesting that you take an aggressive stance about it, or that you need to convert others to your opinion, merely that you stand firm in your beliefs.
At the beginning, as you are still defining your sense of self, standing firm in your beliefs will be the toughest challenge of them all. If you’re like me, you’ll imagine scenarios where the entire city gets together and banishes you to live alone in the desert because you dare to voice a contrary opinion. There are two things you need to know: 1. That is highly unlikely to ever happen. 2. If it did ever happen, then it’s for the best. I hate to sound like your mother, but ‘if they don’t like you for who you really are, then they’re not good enough to be your friends.’
If you’re a teenager reading this, trust me – I know all about being banished. I remember it all too well. It sucks. It stings and it can cause deep scars. But only if you let it. And the way to safeguard against the pain is to be strong enough in your convictions about who you really are that you aren’t interested in trying to fit in to a group or situation that isn’t a good fit in the first place. My advice is to start your own group and watch others come to join you!
And yes, I know that is easier said than done. But it can be done. And the best place to start – is with the Mortality Manifesto. Once you embrace the idea that it’s YOUR life – you only get one and it’s happening RIGHT NOW, why would you ever want to waste time being fake to try to fit in?
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CommentsI started ChooseTheLifeYouWant.com in 2009. It was designed to be a logical next-step from the work I’ve been doing since 2003, encouraging people to ‘embrace their mortality and live with vitality’.
Ever since I started CTLYW, I’ve had big plans.
- I’m writing a second book – a follow-up to my 2005 book ‘What’s Your Expiry Date?‘
- I’m working on three different e-courses.
- I’m putting together workshops and webinars.
But if I’m really honest with myself… I’m stalling. I’m not being true to my message because I’m not taking enough action. In my last blog post I called this “preparation constipation“. And this is not new for me. I think the first time I acknowledged this was a number of years ago on my other site (PowerOfMortality.com) in a blog post where I confessed that I was overly concerned with my public image. I also wrote a long post about it in 2011.
The imperfect life you dare to live is far better than the perfect life that you only think about living. I feel ashamed to go back and read that post again. A post I wrote in September 2011 where I pledged to use my own Mortality Manifesto to tap into my passion and take action. That was 20 months ago! 20 months – and I still haven’t written the book,
launched the e-courses or held a single workshop or webinar.
I’m paralyzed by this need to ‘have it all figured out’ and ‘get it right’.
So, now I’m going to take a different approach. A more proactive approach. And frankly, an approach I find slightly terrifying. (Yes, I know how ironic it is that the guy who promises people a life that is ‘Fearless, Focused and Free From Regrets’ is terrified and paralyzed.)
I’m letting go of the need to have it all figured out. Ultimately, I do the work I do (speaking, writing and coaching) in order to help others – so why not let others in on the creative process?
I’ve decided that Choose The Life You Want isn’t something that I need to create on my own and then present it to the world in all its perfect glory. No, instead, it’s something that will grow and evolve in public. I’m inviting everyone to be part of it – whether as a spectator or a participant. I don’t want Choose The Life You Want to be a ‘philosophy’, I want it to be more like an organic ‘movement’ – something to which we all contribute.
Care to join me?
If so, here’s what I suggest:
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photo by Diamond Farah
How much research is enough?
How much preparation is enough?
Are you one of those people (like me) who feels that you need to be ABSOLUTELY prepared for any and ALL eventualities before you begin? After all, you don’t want to be accused of flying by the seat of your pants or making things up as you go along, do you?
Lately, I’ve been dragging my feet on putting together my first online eCourse. I have three different course ideas rattling around in my head and I want to make sure I start with the ‘right’ one.
In case you’re curious, they are:
(Let me know in the comments which one you’d most like to see.)
My problem is that I want to make sure the courses are going to be perfect – after all, they will have my name on them, so they need to be really good, right? I’ve been stuck in constant preparation mode. I have… preparation constipation.
Well, guess what..? No one can be completely prepared. We can’t do ALL of the research. (Besides, the more you research, the more contradictory research we uncover. And that just leads to further paralysis.) We can’t cover all of the bases. Life just has too many moving parts. But that’s no reason to give up or hide in the safety of “preparation mode”. Preparation constipation is all about playing it safe. Those of us who hide out in this mode can’t be accused of not starting…we’ve started – we’re just perpetually not finished.
I recently went back and re-read my own review of Sir Richard Branson’s book Screw It Let’s Do It! and I found it incredibly helpful. Especially this quote: “If something is what you really want to do, just do it. Whatever your goal is, you will never succeed unless you let go of your fears and fly.”
So that’s my plan. I’m going to let go of my need for perfection, let go of my fears and fly!
Who’s with me?
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Photo by P1r
If you search high and low, look far and wide, you will never find the one true measuring stick by which lives ought to be measured and judged. There isn’t a scale where you can weigh the value of your life choices to determine some life equivalent of a BMI. (“Does this house make my butt look big?”)
And yet, so many of us fall into the trap of comparing our life and our life choices with the lives and choices of others. Do they have a “nicer” house? A “better” job? A “happier” marriage? Or maybe it’s just that their life looks “easier” than ours. Sometimes it all seems quite effortless for them, doesn’t it? Well, I’m willing to bet that looks can be deceiving.
You see, you and I aren’t the only ones who get caught in the comparison trap. Almost everyone is busy looking over their shoulder to see how they’re doing in relation to other people.
PLEASE STOP!!
As I said at the beginning, there is no magical measuring stick or scale that we can use to measure the value of our lives. You will surely drive yourself crazy try to live your life according to what you see out there. Instead, I suggest you live your life according to what you feel in here. (You can’t see it, but I’m tapping my chest right now. It’s a very dramatic point I’m making, so I thought it would be good to use a gesture to illustrate it.)
You need to be at peace with yourself, because happiness begins there. Now the tricky part is that you need to be at peace with yourself in a vacuum – that is, without comparing yourself and your life to others. The comparison game is a no-win game. The comparison game is what brought us the global nuclear arms race. (I know that’s a drastic example, but it’s true.) There is no way you can measure up to everyone’s standards and there’s no way you should try.
Instead, I suggest you spend some quiet, reflective time each week (or each day, if you can manage that) thinking about what YOU want YOUR life to look like, sound like and feel like.
As you’re spending this quiet time imagining and planning out your life, be on alert for any thoughts of comparison. You’re creating YOUR life. A life that pleases YOU. Not a life that measures up to someone else’s standards.
If you walk into a restaurant and only look at the food of those around you before you order, you’re limiting yourself. Instead, look at the full menu, ask about the daily specials, then order your meal and specify exactly how you want it prepared. Create a feast for yourself that’s truly fit for a queen or king!
Because you’re worth it! And it’s YOUR life… so choose the life YOU want!
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(PS: If you often find yourself stuck in the comparison game, you might be interested in an online course I offer called How To Be A Better Person.)
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CommentsSince 2008, I’ve been a Life Coach for personal development and I’ve also been training and certifying life coaches. Over and over again I see the tremendous power that the subconscious mind has when it comes to shaping our lives.
“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t — you’re right.”
But positive thinking alone isn’t enough. When you are able to fully engage the power of your subconscious mind, your goals, hopes and dreams become supercharged!
One of the best ways I’ve found to engage the power of the subconscious mind is by using the Paraliminal audio programs from Paul Scheele and the folks at Learning Strategies Corporation. I’ve been using these programs for a number of years now (as have over 600,000 people) and I believe in them so strongly that I’ve become one of their affiliate partners. This affiliation allows me to let you know about an exciting event called: The Ultimate You MINDFEST 2013.
This is a week-long event beginning on Monday, March 18 (my birthday!). Each day of the Ultimate You Mindfest you will receive 20 to 40 minutes of radical mentoring and breakthrough audio coaching. You’ll get practical tips, techniques and insights that you can use right away in your life. The advice will be immediate and practical.
Get your free pass today so that on Monday, March 18 you will have free access to these sessions (Each day includes two powerful recordings.):
Day 1 – Make More Money
Clear away blocks to having plenty of money
When you get your free pass today, you can listen to each audio session with no commercials, no obligation, nothing to get in the way of your success. The Ultimate You MINDFEST is created to help you stimulate the proven power of YOUR genius “inner” mind to make effort-free changes.
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photo by BlueAndWhiteArmy
What stops you?
Look back at the past week and think about the things you planned to do. Now think about the things you actually did. What was the difference? What stopped you from achieving all of the things on your TODO list?
Some people are stopped by the opinions or actions of others:
Some people are stopped by “uncontrollable external forces”:
And some people simply stop themselves:
If you find that there are far too many things left on your TODO list at the end of each day or week, I suggest that you spend some time listening to the excuses that you give yourself and paying attention to the things that are blocking you. Once you are aware of what is stopping you, you can begin to remove the block.
My upcoming Choose The Life You Want Program will give you some in-depth techniques for being unstoppable, but I’ll give you a hint about one of them.
It’s a question of WHY, WHO and HOW MUCH.
Why are these things on your TODO list in the first place?
Who put them on you list? You or someone else?
How much do they really matter to you? How much better will your life be by accomplishing them? And how much pain would it cause you if you don’t?
Once you start looking at those questions, you’re well on your way to Choosing The Life You Want and being more unstoppable!
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My name is Patrick Mathieu and I'm a speaker, author and coach. I developed The Power of Mortality™ and I've been featured in a full-length documentary film and appeared on numerous television and radio programs, including an hour-long interview with Dr. Oz on Oprah & Friends where we discussed my first book and my Mortality Manifesto. 
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